The J Word

*whispers* “Jealousy” 

Why does this four-letter word that everyone’s familiar with feel so dirty and shameful?

Nobody likes to admit it, but we’ve all felt it at one time or another. Celebrating others' wins is something I always strive for and generally achieve, but even the kindest of hearts, at times, can require digging deep to feel happy for others. Trying to rise above the innate jealousy can be excruciating. Smiling through gritted teeth, attempting to swallow the bitterness and be the supportive person you know you really are is not always an easy task.

I have found that personal lows amplify the highs of those around me. Seeing someone else thrive while you are struggling is difficult. We are human beings; we have wants and desires, and when we see these things being met in the lives of others and failing in our own, it’s a natural response to feel jealousy. It draws such an emotional reaction from us because beneath the initial jealousy is a fear that maybe we’re just not as good or deserving. 

I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve struggled with jealousy, particularly in terms of my career and finances. When undertaking my degree in Journalism and English Literature, I understood (or at least I believed I did), that the career path laid before me would likely have a lot more twists, turns, and instability than that of my budding lawyer, businessman, and accountant friends. I don’t regret my choice but I would be lying if I said there weren’t times when I have wished I was them. There is something really jarring and uncomfortable about the fact we can be so close with others in real life but so far apart in terms of bank accounts. 

We turn to social media for distractions, but there, we are met with more subjects for us to compare ourselves to. We see people the same age as us running multi-million companies or living our dream lives and instantly think, why them and not me?  

I fell back into counselling over a year ago, and the topic of jealousy was something I found cropping up a lot in our conversations. To my great relief, I found out this is a common theme for counselling at this age. Speaking aloud about the feelings I had been experiencing was like a weight off my shoulders and made me realise I had nothing to be ashamed of. 

I had been holding a lot of guilt for having these thoughts because honestly, in a way they didn’t feel like my own. Bitterness doesn’t suit me or what I really believe and I felt embarrassed for stooping to the lows of this emotion. In hindsight, I realise, whether people admit it aloud or even to themselves, jealousy is an inescapable part of the human experience. It’s not a desirable feeling but once properly managed, it can be overcome and can even be motivating. Instead of giving in to the temptation to wallow in this feeling, it can be used as a boost in the right direction. Rather than thinking “That will never be me,” we can think “Well if it happened to them, then why not me?.” 

So, don’t run from the J word, embrace it and learn from it. It’s really not that bad after all.